


be still, my foolish heart

by izzieee



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxiety Disorder, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Bullying, Childhood Friends, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, NaruHina 2020, Service Dogs, Speech Disorders, Stuttering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2021-02-19 12:10:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22444126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/izzieee/pseuds/izzieee
Summary: Life was surprising and some promises were unspoken.The "NaruHina 2020" january fanfic. [Towards the future/Vision]
Relationships: Hyuuga Hinata/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 17
Kudos: 138
Collections: NaruHina2020





	be still, my foolish heart

**Author's Note:**

> This is my fic for the first month of the NaruHina year event (NaruHina 2020). The themes are "Firsts" and "Toward the future/Vision" and I think this fic kind of works for both of them? It turned out to be waaay different than what I had planned but...Oh, well. No beta, we die like kunoichis.

Her heart stopped when the two older boys threw his head against the railing, and the noise induced a panic shock that made her whole body shake. The ringing in her ears grew and she could barely reason before her legs moved and she approached the scene, standing face to face with the abusers. 

"What do you want, stutter?" The tallest boy asked, moving his body to lean over her, trying to intimidate her. Her eyes were still fixed on the boy who was now holding his own head, fingers burying themselves in the blond threads, and she could see some red drops here and there.

"Leave him a-a-alone." She looked them in the eye, knowing how useless her attitude would be. She didn't intend to impose authority on those boys, but to change the focus of their aggressions. She didn't know how to fight, but she knew how to take hits.

"L-learn how to-to sp-speak f-f-first." The other boy mocked, making his friend giggle and push his shoulder. They gave each other fist bumps and turned to her with silly sad faces. "Please don't go cry to your dad. We don't want him to hate you more than he already does." 

Everyone knew. Since the last school meeting, when he heard about her performance in her geography class - the low score she got for not being able to present a paper - he yelled at her in front of all the parents present, and in the midst of her shame and misery, she found herself lucky to be at least the only one of the children dragged to these meetings. But of course the news spread, and the next day the whole classroom already knew about how Hiashi Hyuga had declared his daughter a failure, a bad investment, and less than her sister five years younger during the school meeting, before dragging her to the car by the wrist.

Hinata just stood in front of the boys, hoping they would act against her. So that she could be the person getting the blows...

Suddenly, Naruto pulled his bloody hands out of his head and propelled them against the ground, kicking one of the boys' waist hard. Hinata was startled by the sudden movement and took a step backwards, seeing the boy unbalance and fall on his ass to the ground. 

"Don't mess with her!" He shouted, with the blood flowing from his head to his neck and back, staining his orange shirt. 

The boy rose quickly in fury, pushing his friend back. He went forward into Naruto, but before he could hit him, Hinata threw herself in the middle of the two - being the person receiving the blow to her stomach. 

She fell back on Naruto, with her stomach burning and the feeling she would throw up. She couldn't pull the air to her chest. She felt as if she was drowning, unable to pull the oxygen that was accessible, with her mouth open and her hands on her belly as if to capture more.

She was slightly aware of the commotion that followed, the older boys arguing that it was Naruto's fault, that they hadn't hit a girl - and Naruto in anger, divided between jumping on the aggressors or simply holding Hinata. At some other moment, his hands holding her by the shoulders would have made her nervous enough to not be able to put together a sentence or perhaps for her blood pressure to drop. But now she was desperate trying to just breathe.

"This is your fault, you imbecile. If you knew how to defend yourself and didn't need a girl of that size defending you-"

"What's going on here?" Iruka made his way, frowning and looking from face to face until he saw Hinata's sore expression. He ran towards her, squatting beside her. "Who did this? Hinata, can you get up?" She nodded her head, getting out of Naruto's embrace and accepting Iruka's hand. She could breathe better, but her anxiety was rising and soon she knew she would have the same problem, for a different reason. 

Iruka passed his hand over her shoulders to guide her with him. 

"Iruka, she-"

"Naruto." He looked at his student with authority, making him shut up. Naruto used to be the great clown of the class, and Iruka always caught his attention with a certain amount of fun, but at that moment he seemed worn out. Naruto looked down in shame. "Daichi, Yori. The three of you will follow me to the principal's office now. I'll notify your parents." 

Hinata heard the reluctant footsteps behind her, feeling her blood draw to her fingertips and her heart beat faster. Her father would know about this. She could barely breathe again.

Iruka took them back inside the school, passing some curious staff. There were no more children in the yard, it was pass playtime. He opened the office door and they ran into Anko, the coordinator. Hinata trembled; she preferred it to be Vice Shizune with her sweet tone of voice and her predilection for Hinata, or even Tsunade, who always shouted but used to be pretty chill after her outbursts. Anko had something a little sour about her, and nothing seemed to bring her more pleasure than the student's horror. 

"So, what did Naruto do this time?" She asked, trying to mask a smile. Iruka soon pointed to a chair for Hinata. The boys also sat down after they told the facts. Soon Anko held the phone against her ear, and Hinata closed her eyes with force, as if not seeing would make the consequences disappear. 

The sounds were becoming more and more distant and she focused on her fingernails burying in her forearms. She pressed hard enough to hurt and her body jumped a little from her chair. She just wanted to be able to breathe. To be able to leave that room. To be able to manipulate the facts so her father wouldn't know or care. 

She felt a hand against hers and opened her eyes, alarmed. 

Naruto held her hand between the two chairs a little apart and looked directly at Anko who was whispering on the phone. He leaned his head towards her, without facing her.

"Don't worry, Hinata. I'll say I was getting my ass kicked and I tried to fight back, but then you walked right by and I hit you." Naruto whispered, now turning his swollen face with a purple bruise on his cheek to her. He smiled, even though it was a crooked smile, contorted by pain. "Your father needn't know and he won't fight with you. And those two idiots aren't gonna say anything, because the guilt of hitting you goes to me."

"N-naruto..."

"Hey, don't worry. It's not like I have parents to scold me!" He was still smiling and still holding her hand. 

Hinata's eyes burned but she refused to cry. She thanked him in a tiny voice, and he just let out a laugh, which made him get an ugly look from Iruka. 

The two of them sat hand in hand until Hiashi Hyuga arrived. 

[...]

Hinata wouldn't leave the house alone if it wasn't a necessity or a request from someone. Especially not on weekends when there would be more people on the streets. 

But she was testing herself, so to speak. Her psychologist spent the last five months talking about how important it was for her to confront her fears by putting herself in uncomfortable situations, but she just nodded and agreed - she rarely acted. It wasn't exactly easy to leave home and interact being Hinata.

To begin with, she was extremely shy and quiet since she was a baby. She was the kind of child who would sit in the same position for hours until someone picked her up. In other people's homes, she wouldn't ask for glasses of water or accept desserts. She always felt the weight of her presence and how much it could cause discomfort, so she tried to do everything she could to reduce the damage. 

If she ventured among strangers it was always risky for her. Getting out of her comfort zone was always one of the biggest challenges of her life. She was used to living in her bubble, obeying rules and trying to fit in sufficiently to avoid conflicts and misunderstandings. Only very recently, with therapeutic help, could she realize that no matter how hard you try to be perfect and pleasant for everyone, you will still disappoint someone, at some point, somewhere. 

Hinata understood at nineteen that the person she was, behind everything she was conditioned to be for years, would never please her father. And that's okay. It was his right to feel that way, and it was her right not to try to fit in with what he thought was best. She spent her entire childhood trying to be someone else, hating who she actually was, only to hate herself even more for not being able to change. Now she was learning to be satisfied with what she wanted to be. Even if that was the cause for some people's jokes and laughs. 

It was a Saturday night and she was supposed to be away with Tenten, her roommate, as usual. But Temari, Tenten's girlfriend, had just arrived in town. Hinata would feel bad about keeping her friend when her girlfriend lived so far away and it was so rare for the two of them to see each other. 

"I swear, we're out Tuesday afternoon after your last class. We can watch that crappy wedding bridesmaids movie you wanted to watch!" Tenten shook her friend's arms, excited about the future date and the fact she was going out to see Temari. 

"Okay." Hinata just answered, smiling at her friend and accepting the big hug she gave her afterwards. 

"See you tomorrow, Hina." Tenten closed the door to the apartment they shared, with a big smile on hr face, and Hinata held hers until the door closed.

Now she was there, alone, in the middle of the street on a Saturday night, not knowing where to go. She thought about staying home in her pajamas watching some disney movie or any extremely random documentary that appeared on Netflix, but she really needed to keep her promises. Leaving home at least once a week other than to study, work or solve personal problems. 

Her hand pressed against the collar of her dog, Sol, who had already laid down in the middle of the sidewalk, with her tongue out. Hinata realized that she must have been standing for a long time in that same place for her dog to have left her guard. 

She made a sign with her hand and Sol got up at the same instant, waving her tail. She went through the crowded streets, passing some people her age and resisting the urge to hide in her hair. It was a strategy that had already been noticed by her psychologist.

She realized that the street she was on was wide and crowded with bars on both sides. The lights were colorful and made Hinata's eyes hurt a little. She did not like these places very much, because of the attractive decorations, the amount of people and noise and also because she didn't drink. But all this was a prior trial, since she had never actually entered one of these bars. 

She followed to the end of the street where she found an somewhat empty bar, with low lights and a cozy decoration. It was all wooden and had more couches than chairs. The walls were filled with paintings of deceased artists, hanging vinyl records and black and white movie posters. There was even an elderly couple at one of the tables. She assessed it as a quiet place to stay, but she still didn't move. She took a deep breath and counted to ten, with Sol moving close in alert, feeling her tension. 

She turned the knob and some heads turned towards her, watching her enter the place. Hinata made sure everything was all right, Sol had the collar that identified her as a service dog and Hinata had her papers. She let her psychologist's voice echo again in her head, reminding her that being there with her dog was a right like any other.

She sat at a table against the wall, away from most people, but she could still feel the eyes on her. Sol was sitting on the side of her chair, on alert. Hinata took a deep breath and grabbed the menu, but before she could read, a familiar voice disturbed her thoughts. 

"Did you just kill me in the Fuck, Marry, Kill? What the fuck? I was the better option!" It was the same enthusiastic voice a-little-too-loud-for-all-situations. Hinata shrugged her shoulders and let her hair fall on her face. No, no, no. He was sitting behind her, so she didn't dare turn. She imagined he'd be with a group of friends because she could hear other voices responding. 

She just wanted one day to prove to herself that she was capable of dealing with the world as an independent adult and not a crying child. But did the universe need to put him on her path today? Of all days? For him to see how pathetic she still was two years after leaving school? 

"Sorry, ma'am, we don't take dogs in here."

Oh, great.

"S-she's a s-s-service dog. I need her to be here." She responded, hating how nervous she already was, stuttering like she did.

"I understand. But I'm sorry, it's management rules."

Hinata was aware of the silence that had set in. Everyone seemed to want to hear what was going on at her table and she felt her face warming up and her hands shaking. Sol supported her paws on her legs.

"You can't stop service dogs from entering. It's the law."

No, no, no. Hinata felt like she could faint at any moment. Why did he have to meddle? 

But of course he would. 

"Sir, these are orders from--"

"Okay, then call your manager." The waitress hesitated for a moment but proceeded into the bar. Hinata looked down, now Sol had half of her body against Hinata's thighs, trying to avoid a panic attack. 

"I'm sorry about that, they can't- Uh, Hinata?" She felt her heart would explode like a time bomb. "Is that you?" She could feel his breath against her hair, so she figured he was close. She turned her face slowly and - yes, he was close. A little too close. Sol set herself between the two of them. 

"Hey, sorry. I was never good with personal space." He said staring at Sol, seeming to address her. Soon his gaze fell on Hinata and she lost her breath. After all this time, the blue of those eyes was still the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. "But it's you! I can't believe it! It's been two years since we've seen each other. You changed your number, didn't you? You have to give me again. I missed you, Hina. Ah! You know what--"

He kept babbling and she just stared at him, a little charmed and a little softened up. He was there and she felt extremely ridiculous. He was taller and his face had changed a bit, but he was still the same old joy pill, with his high tone and racing words, always smiling at everything and making things and people to be a little more importsnt than they really were. Just like he had always done with her.

"Can I help you?" A pretty lady in a dark purple suit who looked like she was in her forties was stading in front of her desk. 

"Y-yes, well, I... I have a s-s-service dog and..." Hinata pulled the air out trying to calm down. Her anxiety had to bring her speech impediment to the surface at that very moment, as if things weren't shameful enough. 

"Darling, I can't understand you." Her voice sounded a little bored and Hinata couldn't fight the feeling of guilt. 

"She said she needs to be here with the dog. It's a service dog, for people with disabilities, pstd, et cetera. You know? There's a law that says that establishments need to accept these animals and the customers. And your employee wanted her to leave." Naruto had stood up and stared the manager in the eye, his speech was serious but his expression was light. 

Until she opened her mouth again.

"I understand. But the presence of a dog disturbs the other customers." He frowned and stared at her for a while, seeming to wait for her to elaborate. After a while of staring at her bored face, he lost his composure. 

"You refusing to receive her is a crime, you know? You can and will be prosecuted."

"Naruto..."

The manager opened her mouth to defend herself, but Naruto cut her off. 

"Know that my stepfather is a lawyer and you-"

"Please. Naruto." Hinata was standing, holding his arm and her eyes were already watering. The other hand was holding Sol's collar tight. "I... I'm leaving. But please don't... No fighting." She looked around and he seemed to notice only at that moment the commotion he'd created, with all the tables staring at them, including the one with his colleagues, laughing and pointing fingers at him. 

"Ok. Yes. Sorry." He said in a low tone just for her to hear. He then threw a sum of money at the table where his colleagues were, they whistled and bowed in mockery. He opened the door for Hinata to leave, and soon the two were walking side by side in silence. 

She felt like crying. She just wanted to disappear at that exact moment and never have to face anyone again. Even when she tried her best, she could sum up her existence as shame. 

"I couldn't imagine you'd adopt a pitbull." The comment came so random that Hinata turned to face him in surprise. He smiled. "I know they're not the little monsters everyone says they are but I figured you'd have...I don't know...a corgi? You know? A cute, easy to please dog. Just like you."

She turned her eyes and knew her face was burning. She didn't want to answer because she knew she'd stutter. She didn't want to think about what he had said because she knew she'd think it was more than it really was. 

"But actually you've always seen things for more than they seem to be. You were friends with Kiba!" He teased her, making her smile a little, remembering the rivalry between the two. "And sometimes with me, which is a little worse. I used to win over Kiba when it came to being a bad kid."

"You weren't a bad kid." She defended it.

"See? Only you would say that. And maybe my old man Iruka." 

She smiled again as the two of them crossed the street. 

"I'll be honest; I have no idea where we're going."

"I live around the next corner." 

"Really?" He turned to her, with that giant smile on his face. "I live five minutes away. I can't believe we never met! In fact, write down your phone number." He took the phone out of his pocket, unlocked it and passed it to her. As she typed he commented, "I really missed you, Hinata. What have you been doing?"

She handed him his cell phone, squeezing the iron on Sol's collar and trying to concentrate on answering and not om his confession about missing her.

"Not much. Studying, working in the national library, trying to stay active. And I share an apartment with Tenten now."

"Tenten! It's been a while since I've seen her, too. Is she still dating Temari?" Hinata nodded. "What about you?" 

"Hm?" She turned to him.

"Dating someone?" 

It was so ironic that Naruto, the reason she couldn't date anyone seriously, had asked that.

"No." 

"Hmm." He kept smiling but looked away at the street lights. 

"And... And you? How are things with Sakura?" It was still painful to think about. How he always ran after his pink-haired friend, how he always asked for advice to impress her and how he was not ashamed to humiliate himself asking for countless chances. It hurt even more to state out loud the fact that Naruto was in love with Sakura.

"Hmmm, she's okay? It's been a few days since we talked. She moved near her college. And near Ino. They're both dating now, you know." Naruto had a laugh and Hinata was surprised by his reaction. "It's funny to think I used to think I was in love with Sakura while she and Ino thought they were in love with Sasuke... Look where we all are!" 

Hinata nodded a little, but she was still confused.

"You...aren't in love with Sakura anymore?"

"No." He made a disdainful face, but he still had familiarity and affection in his expression. "We barely functioned as friends most of the time. I guess that was mostly my fault. I was unbearable chasing her. And Sasuke. But I grew up and so did she, and going our own ways ended up getting us closer than anything. Today she tells me everything. And I mean everything. Sometimes I miss the fights, even." He seemed lost in thought for a while and soon they were in front of Hinata's apartment.

"Here we are." Hinata suddenly announced, and Sol barked a little when Naruto stumbled and leaned on Hinata. "I'm sorry, she's... too attached to me." 

"It's okay, I understand. We all are when it comes to you." He looked right at her and she was sure she must have looked a little bit overwhelmed. Because that's how she felt. Being the center of attention intimidated her, being Naruto's center of attention was a little too much for her. "You'll take my calls, won't you? You won't leave me desperate and alone for two years again, right?"

It was like a slap. She didn't mean it like that. She just imagined she wasn't so important in Naruto's life when he was literally self-declared friends with everyone at school... She didn't bother to go to the holiday parties or anything like that. And she had really lost her old phone, so she only kept in touch with those closest to her, since she had no social media.

"Sorry." 

"It's fine. Now I know where you live, there's no running away." He winked at her.

"Do you, uh, want to come in?" She almost slapped herself right then and there. How did that sound like? How did she just let her mouth act so fast?

"I'd like to, really, but I left my stuff in that bar. Oh, speaking of which, I'll talk to you later. I wasn't kidding about my stepfather, Yamato. He's a real lawyer, so you know..." He let the phrase die and faced the top of his head. She opened her mouth to inquire, but he'd already reached out to fix her bangs. She was burning. "Gotcha." He smiled. 

"Thank you. For saving me." She smiled back. "Again."

"That was nothing. You're the girl who got punched in the stomach for me. You even paid for my lunches a few times. And when I becane too embarrassed to accept it, you'd take an extra one to school and offer me saying you would have to toss it out...And the old Neji clothes you gave me, too...Yeah, I guess I owe you a lot." He kept staring at her like that, with his eyes glowing, the smile on his face, a bit of an anxious posture, and it left her with a whirlwind of emotions. Sol seemed restless but uncertain about what position to take, because her owner's agitation wasn't exactly negative.

"N-no, Naruto. That was no b-b-big deal. I don't care about that." She tried to talk her way out of it.

"I do." 

She dared to look into his eyes and his eyes were so intense she could have spontaneously burst into flames. She had no idea how her day had come to this closure, with being first an experiment then a disaster and now it came to the man she loved...flirting with her? She tried to read between the lines, to interpret it as Naruto's usual kindness and charisma, but...that look was not something she was used to receiving. How could he look at her like that and say those things if it didn't mean something else, something she never really allowed herself to expect? 

He crouched down near Sol. "Does she bite?"

"No...Just don't make any sudden moves or shake her too much." He nodded and took his hand to the top of Sol's head, stroking her fur. Hinata found herself a little hypnotized by the scene, thinking about how those two had saved her so many times in so many different ways.

"Hinata?"

"Hmm?" She stared at him, getting rid of his daydream.

"Do you... like anyone? Now?" Her heart raced again. She couldn't say it was him. She couldn't lie either. Well, that wouldn't be a lie, in part, because she loved him. They were different things.

"I..." She bit her lip. "I like everybody."

He held his smile for a moment until he burst out laughing. She tried to hide her face while he made a scene with his loud laughter and his knees on the floor. Sol was shaking her tail and she seemed excited about Naruto's behavior. 

"Of course you do." He was wiping the tears from his cheeks.

"Don't make fun of me."

"'Am not." He smiled again. "Okay, but then I guess I'll compete with everyone." He held her hand, using the support to get up off the floor and started swinging their hands lightly between them. "What do you say; we go on a date tomorrow?" 

She couldn't have heard that right. How had her day turned into a fantasy of her 12-year-old self? How could that be real? Was he4 psychologist so good as to suggest a simple walk and predict an encounter with the love of her life?

She remembered years before, the hours the two of them spent holding hands in the principal's office, when he reassured her and in the end freed her from the punishment she would take from her father.

She thought escaping from the all-seeing-eyes of her father was impossible. But Naruto had a way of making everything possible. He had a way of changing things and people. He had a way of making her feel safe and enough and wonderful.

"Yes. I would like that." 

And in the future, he made her feel loved.

**Author's Note:**

> "Sol" means "sun". I'm all for the sun motifs with NaruHina and the sunshine family.  
> It's midnight, I just took my meds and my brain is working poorly, so I'm really sorry for any errors or typos.


End file.
